- The behavior is stage or age appropriate.
- The behavior is related to a persistent or more difficult temperament.
- The behavior is the result of inconsistent and harsh parenting.
- Parents can avoid fostering or exacerbating oppositional defiant and stubborn behavior by:
- Learning more about child psychology and the developmental needs of children.
- Learning effective discipline and child management techniques.
- Taking care not to reinforce children`s defiant, stubborn, and non compliant behavior.
- Using commands and requests in appropriate ways, without repeating them or nagging.
- Understanding your child`s temperament.
- Keeping the stress level down in your home.
Understanding and disciplining the infant:
Understanding and disciplining the one year old toddler:
- Being consistent about routines.
- Using clearly stated and firm rules.
- Settings reasonable and enforceable rules.
- Offering supervision and restrictions but not harshness.
- Not giving in to unreasonable demands.
- Ignore as much of the tantrum as possible.
- Don`t give in to stop a tantrum.
- Acknowledge the child`s feelings.
- Deal with the cause of the tantrum not the angry behavior.
Understanding and disciplining the two year old toddler:
- Recognizing that difficult toddlers, because of their temperament, may be more likely to cry or whine, may be more stubborn and oppositional and may use the word no more frequently and more forcefully that their more compliant peers.
- Developing skills in sensitive discipline.
- Using firm and reasonable limits
- Giving choices within limits
- Programming: that is, giving considerable details about forth coming situations or events to help to provide a structure.
- Playing no games that give toddlers opportunities to safely say no.
- Giving children chances to change their mind and say yes.
Understanding and disciplining the three year old toddler:
- Remain aware that more difficult three years old can be very demanding, intense and volatile.
- Avoid reinforcing aggressive, angry and violent behaviors.
- Avoid labeling the difficult child as angry, bratty, selfish, aggressive, unmanageable, or bad.
- Give requests and directions in simple, clear and direct ways.
- Use time-out to teach difficult children that they must comply; always use time-out in firm but appropriate ways.
- Do no give in to threats, demands, stubborn persistence or attempts to wear you down.
Understanding and disciplining the four year old toddler:
- Define the limits.
- Do not overreact or panic to the child`s protests, complaints or insistent demands.
- Do not become involved in explaining or justifying your discipline when your child is angry or throwing a temper tantrum.
- Set a time-limit for the child to make a decision within guidelines given by you.
- When your child fails to live up to your expectations or neglects her responsibilities provide consequences.
- Consistently use this approach until the youngster understands that you will provide the authority. Continue to use firm, consistent discipline as she begins to comply with limits, rules and expectations.
Understanding and disciplining the five year old toddler:
- Remembering that fives want to please and they do imitate adult behavior.
- Reacting with calmness
- Using physical restraint if need be with a five year old who still has violent temper tantrums.
- Not giving in to temper tantrums or the child`s unreasonable demands in order to buy temporary peace.
- Modeling a problem solving as a parent or a teacher.
Understanding and disciplining the school age child: age’s six to nine.
- Settings clear limit and rules
- Being consistent not only in setting rules and expectations but in enforcing them
- Firmly enforcing rules and standards
- Providing preadolescences with monitoring and supervision.
- Communicating in a way that reflects respect, support and understanding.
- Seeking professional help when the rebellious and oppositional behavior is ongoing and parental efforts to make changes are unsuccessful.
Understanding and disciplining the adolescent age child: ages fourteen to eighteen.
- Making sure rules and limits are reasonable, clearly, stated and understood.
- Letting adolescents know about consequences are always fair and related to the offense.
- Having calm, reasonable and respectful responses to teenager’s oppositional and defiant behavior.
- Giving teenagers choices and allowing them to make their decisions.
- Avoid to use of threats or ultimatums.
- Avoid condemnation, labeling or unfair judgments of the adolescent as a person because of present oppositional or defiant behavior.
- Parents must train themselves to be highly skilled in raising children.
- Parents must learn as much as possible about child development.
- Parent should develop a repertoire of positive discipline skills.